30 Life Lessons at 30
Fahim version 30.0
Hello! It’s been a couple of weeks since I last sent the most-looked-forward-to email (😇) in your inbox.
For good reason - and the subject of this week’s newsletter.
I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago, so I took a couple of weeks to reflect, celebrate with friends & family, and enjoy far too many desserts.
This feels like an appropriate milestone to get reflective by listing some lessons and values I want to continue living by.
On a separate note, I’ve loved having a creative outlet in this newsletter - I plan to continue writing consistently for a long time (more on this in my lessons below).
Thank you for being my captive audience for approximately 2-8 minutes, every week.
Let’s get to it!
30 Life Lessons at 30
1. Continually Ask Yourself If You’re Playing The Right Game
I don’t mean Scrabble or Rage. We’re talking about the Game of Life.
What you think you want in five years may not be the thing you actually want. The thing you’re now doing, that you worked so hard to attain, may not meet the expectation you had.
This is normal. I went to University with the goal of becoming an Investment Banker. This influenced my degree and the people who I hung out with. I realized halfway through that this was a game I didn’t want to play. Being a small cog in a large machine wasn’t something I wanted and has helped steer some of my decisions to this day (and why I love starting something new vs joining a large company).
Most people don’t know what they want so they follow a blind path and give up their actual dreams for something they think they want (based on what society tells them).
Find the game you want to play and continually reflect if those are the games you want to play for the rest of your life.
2. Be Consistent
The way to get better at something is to practice every single day.
There have been countless new ideas, projects and habits I’ve started over the years. The ones I’ve made the most progress on are the ones where even if I’ve missed a day or a week, I get back on the saddle and keep sticking at it.
This is the same for writing, programming, cooking, learning a language - everything. Simple daily habits repeated consistently add up over time.
You can create whatever success you want. But you have to do something. You have to walk around the block. Stick to a routine.
I’ll continue to make decisions that I feel I want to be consistent with for the rest of my life - like writing/keeping a journal.
3. Create A Manifesto
It feels easy to coast through life and go along with other people’s plans.
I’ve said yes far too many times to things I don’t necessarily want to do but I don’t want to let other people down - it’s easy for me to be a people-pleaser.
One thing that’s kept me on track and saying yes to the few things that have energized me, is creating a manifesto.
This is a one-page document that includes things like:
What do I stand for
What energizes me
How I want people to feel
What the world needs more of & how I plan to fill these gaps
This is continually evolving and something I keep adding to/removing things from based on my life being one of ‘Kaizen’ (Continuous Improvement).
4. Stretch Your Body
Finding at least 30min each day to exercise - whether it be, lifting heavy weights or getting my heart rate up with a HIIT workout - typically makes a big difference to whether I have a good day or not.
Investing in my health and endurance is setting me up for The Game of Life Marathon. There’s no point working so hard to ultimately burn out or not being in a reasonably fit state to enjoy your life.
I’ve seen this happen first hand, and it’s prepared me not to fall to the same fate.
5. Get Organized
Using my Google Calendar every day was a game-changer for me 10+ years ago. I also use ToDoist & keep a writing pad nearby for things I want to jot down before I lose my train of thought.
Having a “Personal Operating System” on Notion, using Trello/Airtable for keeping lists organized, and simply thinking about my goals (& the prep required) for the next day, helps me stay on top of everything I want to do (see friends often, workout regularly etc).
I also personally enjoy staying organized, so I’ll always feel like it’s worth the effort for the reward.
6. Don’t Let Your Ego Win
Don’t let the small things get in the way - making decisions to appease our ego while sacrificing others’ feelings is usually the wrong approach.
I bet if I were to ask a random sample of former-friends who fell out 2+ years ago, why they fell out, the majority wouldn’t remember. The longer the time horizon, the higher the likelihood they wouldn’t remember why they fell out but I bet they’d want a shot at reconciliation.
Sacrifice your ego/stubbornness - it’s not worth holding onto.
7. Take Lots Of Photos And Videos
I’m pretty forgetful - taking photos and videos helps remind me of some of the cool experiences I’ve had over the years, and how grateful I am for the opportunities life has sent my way.
It’s an effort in itself to keep photos/videos organized, but again, reward > effort.
8. Set Time Limits On Social Media
Or, just get rid of social media entirely, if that’s your thing.
I see the benefits of social media - keeping in touch with acquaintances who I don’t see often, re-connecting with old friends or… for getting lots of birthday messages 🎂
One thing I did last year and will continue to do is have daily limits on my phone for specific apps (Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, etc). Once the time is up, I might click on “extend for another 15min” but most of the time, I can’t be bothered and will put my phone back down.
There are better ways to spend our time constantly scrolling & consuming content (instead, consume cheesecake!). This leads me to…
9. Find Good Cheesecake
Cheesecake is my thing - I see it on a menu, I’m ordering it. I’ve probably eaten about 10 helpings over the past three weeks.
List the things that bring you joy, and keep reminding yourself of those things - and then go do those things. And yup, eating gooood cheesecake is on my list.
10. Be Ready To Awkward Dance At A Moment’s Notice
Having a sense of humour when playing the Game of Life is important to me - hey, it’s a ‘Game’ after all!
Whenever I’m out with my family, I find an excuse to act like a clown - whether it be a funny pose for the family photo, or just awkwardly celebrating/dancing at something trivial (like a good beat, or…some good cheesecake).
If it brings joy (with a pinch of embarrassment…) to them and makes everyone relax or laugh around us, then I’m usually game.
The other aspect to this…
11. Don’t Care About Others’ Opinions
99% of people aren’t thinking about you for more than a fleeting few seconds each day.
We make up in our heads that other people are constantly talking or thinking about us - but really, like us, they’re thinking about themselves.
So if they’re not thinking about you, or what you wore two weeks ago, or the joke you made that failed & everyone moved on after five seconds, then there’s no need for you to continue to hold onto negative thoughts or other people’s perception of you.
Do what makes you happy, and don’t let other people’s opinions (or lack of opinions) influence what you want to do.
12. Be Ruthless With Your Time
We only have a finite amount of time. Life is shorter than we think.
I want to continually reflect on what I’m doing now, that I may regret at 50. There are probably a number of unspoken questions in my 20’s and 30’s that I would’ve wished I asked myself now, rather than when I’m 50. I’m continually searching for those questions - if it’s to do with my purpose, my work, my relationships, and who I keep company with.
Being respectful of other people’s time means they’re more likely to respect yours. And if they don’t, then I know to move on - that’s why I love my calendar so much (see above).
Also, saying no is OK - it frees you up to say yes to the opportunities you’re looking for. But if you’re always saying yes, there’s no capacity to say yes to the things you truly want to do.
13. Default to Optimism
99% of things we think might happen that will ruin everything, usually don’t. Even if they do happen, 100% of decisions are reversible (I initially wrote 99.9%, but I feel 100% is accurate - it just depends on the time spent to get back to the original starting line).
I believe then, that most things are just going to work out. By having this higher degree of optimism about everything, I live a pretty happy life.
That’s not to say that some things won’t go wrong - most of the time, it’ll probably go wrong but it might be out of my control or, even if it is in my control, I don’t let it affect me emotionally. Keeping light and optimistic is an underrated hack for me.
14. Set Reminders to Connect With Family & Friends
Some of my friends already know this - I keep a lot of my friends & family in my Todoist and set monthly/bi-monthly/quarterly reminders by their name to make sure I message them to stay in touch.
I don’t need to keep that information in my head, I can automate a reminder. That doesn’t mean I’ll always message them at that time or not message them outside of that reminder (e.g. if I come across something that reminds me of them, you bet I’ll be sending a message/voice note).
This is even more useful for family who live abroad that I don’t connect with often.
15. Work on Hard Things
Working on hard things will probably take the same amount of my energy as working on easy things, but hard things, in my world, means world-changing ideas and challenges with huge impact.
I’d rather work on a revolutionary gene-editing startup than build another e-commerce store re-packaging something that’s been done a million times over.
Working on things that are difficult is what brings me more energy.
This is the one I’m most interested to know if I’ll change my mind about in the next 5/10/20 years.
16. The Stars Never Align.
There will never be a perfect time to quit that job or leave that relationship or live in that city you’ve always wanted to live in.
You can engineer ‘preferred’ circumstances but life keeps on moving, whether it’s moving at the pace you want or not.
There wasn’t a perfect time to start this newsletter or start a podcast. I just made sure I freed up enough time in my day/week to make it a reality.
Starting solo trips was something I was keen to do before the pandemic hit, but it’s been too long since flights opened up for me not to be traveling - I just decided one evening to go ahead and book it and figure it out along the way.
Just start doing things and you’ll figure the rest out.
17. Done > Perfect
Speed is a competitive advantage.
By releasing a new product update this week and not next week, it means you’re getting more feedback, faster.
The faster you process information, the faster you can incorporate the result into what you do next.
Nothing will ever be perfect and ‘good’ is defined by the end-user, so why wouldn’t you get something shipped faster so you can continue to iterate?
If you’re not embarrassed from the first launch, then you’re releasing too late.
18. Do Scary Things
It’s easy to stay in our comfort zone - but staying in this zone restricts us to only be used to the comfortable.
In order to stretch our minds, we need to challenge ourselves. This usually involves jumping out of a plane (with a parachute). Not really, but we have to find things that make our souls want to leap out of our mortal bodies sometimes.
Scary things - as small as striking up a conversation with a stranger or as big as asking for a raise or as trivial as trying to cook something new for the first time - can help push ourselves to find out what life is like on the other side and what we’ve been missing out on (as well as, grateful for what we’ve had so far).
19. Find Your Equanimity
Don’t let anger and emotions govern your life. Detach yourself from everything outside of your control.
Find your own version of what brings you peace.
Be a bottle of water, not a bottle of soda - the outside world is going to rattle and shake us from time to time. When we finally open up, we explode. No matter how many times you shake a bottle of water, it’s the same calm water it was before it got shook up. Don’t let other people disrupt your inner peace.
20. Find Things You’ll Want to do For The Rest Of Your Life
As mentioned above, I’m keen on finding habits or investing in things that will last me a lifetime.
If that’s a particular set of cutlery or specific clothing items that I think can withstand the test of time - this also goes for where I invest my money and the work I engage with.
I want to signup to things that I could do for the next 20 years, and work with people that I could be around for a lifetime.
21. Write to Think Clearly
I’ve really enjoyed getting into a regular newsletter publishing habit (see “Done > Perfect”).
Not only does it give a sense of accomplishment to hit that “Publish” button, but I feel like I’m bringing clarity of thought to the ideas I put across.
I’ve also started journaling this year and have found that a great exercise to reflect on my day or week, as well as jot ideas down that, have been rummaging around in my head.
I hope to continue writing for the rest of my life.
22. Iterate Fast
We are continually evolving - the best learning comes from Osmosis and immersing ourselves, taking stock, and going again with feedback to hand.
Speed is a competitive advantage.
One of the most influential military strategy writers, John Boyd, is most famous for the idea of the “OODA loop:” that human action is an iterated process of observing the world, orienting within it, deciding how to respond and finally acting on the decision:
“In order to win, we should operate at a faster tempo or rhythm than our adversaries—or, better yet, get inside [the] adversary’s Observation-Orientation-Decision-Action time cycle or loop … Such activity will make us appear ambiguous (unpredictable) thereby generate confusion and disorder among our adversaries—since our adversaries will be unable to generate mental images or pictures that agree with the menacing, as well as faster transient rhythm or patterns, they are competing against.”
Those who know me are aware I can be impatient sometimes - but, why not get something done right now instead of waiting till tomorrow?
23. Spend time with family / people older than you.
Everyone has advice to give and something you can learn from. I don’t regret not leaving London for other opportunities because it meant I got to spend more time with my elderly family before they passed.
I learned so much - their mindset and the cultural nuances that exist between generations meant there were many lessons that could be applied to different circumstances. I got the equanimity lesson above from my grandfather & father.
There’s always something to learn from someone. Being kind always goes a long way.
24. Ask direct questions
Find the root cause question you should be asking. Most of the questions we ask are too superficial - dig deeper. Once you think you’re at the bottom/root-cause, keep digging because there are additional layers.
Don’t dance around a topic by asking 3-5 questions when you could just rip off the band-aid and ask the question you want to ask.
This also goes for delivering good/bad news - don’t leave people in the dark when you being responsive could mean a whole lot to someone.
25. The Reward / Time / Effort Triangle
I referenced this above, but we’re always trying to work smarter, not harder. The problem with that is there’s no practical framework to follow.
So the Reward / Time / Effort Triangle was created (in my mind, at least).
What could I do that maximizes the reward I receive for the right amount of effort and time?
I’m not looking to necessarily ‘minimize"‘ the amount of effort & time on everything, but ensuring I’m looking for the most optimal way to continue moving the scales in my favor (“House Always Wins”).
This might be in future business ideas or even in how I want to spend my weekends. For different categories, the scales will be different. I’m willing to put a lot of effort to see friends &family often, but I won’t be so willing to invest hours into cleaning my house every single day, given a ‘spotless house’ isn’t much of a reward after the effort and time involved.
26. Don’t Live Up To The Expectations Of Others
The treadmill of life and social media tells us we should be married by 30, have a house, and maybe have a kid or two on the way.
Society & the media also tells us we should know what we want to do with our lives and pressures us to stick to things we don’t like, just to keep up with everyone else.
Well, I say, it’s not worth it. How about we don’t put this pressure on ourselves and instead set expectations we’re content with.
In the wise words of Tyler Durden:
The things you own, end up owning you.
You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in your bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet.
This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.
We buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like.
27. Do things, with people
Wake up early and set the tone for your day.
Do interesting things and invite people along for the ride.
Go on road trips often. Go for long walks with friends. Visit friends who live abroad, just for the fun of it.
Taking part in rich experiences, with elite company, elevates the overall experience & makes it more memorable for everyone involved.
28. Bias to action
My default setting is to Do Stuff. I’ve always disliked discussion-only meetings and much prefer ‘working sessions’ where we move the needle forward together while on the call.
How can I get the most done with the limited time I have?
Doing and shipping beats waiting around.
Doing beats consuming. I do, over IQ.
Don’t forget to dream big enough along the way, but start small. But just start.
29. Be Humble
Referencing the ego point above, I prefer people who do over those who just talk.
Bragging doesn’t lead to anything but a moment of joy for you and everyone else around you thinking you’re an idiot. If it backfires on you, then that’s entirely on you.
When we know our time here is fleeting, and our success can be snatched away at a moment’s notice, why be anything but humble for what you have, with the heightened awareness that we could easily be in the opposite situation the next day?
Being empathetic to others and humble to yourself is the path I feel leads to a balanced and happy life.
30. Work Relentlessly Hard
No matter how successful I become or how much money is in my bank account, I hope the importance I place on having a strong work ethic about anything will never leave me.
By working hard, I have high expectations for my own standards and for the people around me. Having high expectations because of the effort I know I’m putting in has been a hack for finding the type of people I want to work with & for defining my working style that I can communicate to others.
Find something you care about and put your full energy into it - life is shorter than we think, why not work on things we care about and give everything we can?
I’ll leave with a final note on the ‘framework for effectiveness’: it’s a note from DJ Patil, the first US Chief Data Scientist, summarizing his approach to tackling problems:
Dream in years
Plan in months
Evaluate in weeks
Ship daily
The framework for execution.
Prototype for 1x
Build for 10x
Engineer for 100x
The framework for scale.
What’s required to cut the timeline in 1/2?
What needs to be done to double the impact?
Thank you for getting this far! I look forward to getting back to my weekly schedule and I’d love to write another post like this for another milestone to see what I’d stick with / change!
Until next time
I hope you enjoyed this week’s edition - I'd love it if you shared it with a friend or two.
Got feedback? Reply to this email or tweet at me and let’s chat.
Fahim
Love all of this my friend, looking forward to the next decade!